A First I Hadn’t Expected

It’s a scene that you see everywhere. It’s very cliche, really. In countless movies.

A guy walking a girl to her front door.

I just went on a spontaneous run to Taco Bell with a guy friend of mine. He had made it clear that it wasn’t a date when he asked me to go. That didn’t really matter to me (I meant that as it wouldn’t have kept me from going, not that I’m apathetic about the subject). Anyway, a lot of the night was basically a history of his previous relationships and “love-life” and girls and all that. Don’t get me wrong, it was really understandable with him. I’m not complaining. We had a really great conversation. A lot of fun.

But my self confidence hasn’t been helped by the last couple times I’ve spent hanging out with guys. Any time the subject comes up of something they find attractive in a girl or what they like, etc, it’s the complete opposite of me. Dark hair, curly hair, really long hair, thin, dark skin, red hair, petite. Those are ALL things I’ve heard from guys lately about what they like in girls and I can match up each one to which guy said it. And no matter how good I try to look (and feel) before I hang out with a/some guy friend/s, I always end up feeling like they don’t find me attractive at all. By talking about all that about what they find attractive in a girl, and that’s all not me, right in front of me, are they trying to send the message that they find me ugly or unattractive? Probably not, but after an entire day at the mall and such, I feel pretty worn down.

Anyway, we basically get asked to leave Taco Bell because we had stayed and talked for so long. The night had gone surprisingly well. I had been slightly apprehensive about the awkward/feeling embarrassed factor. But all had gone fine and we pulled into my drive way. I wasn’t sure if we were going to do a side-hug deal in the car, but he saved me the worry by opening his door. I got out and walked around to his side. But because of the way he had parked, I rethought. I mumbled something about “we probably shouldn’t hug in the middle of the road” and he replied with something about walking me to my door.


My mind froze. This was weird, it was too much like the movies. The guy walks her to her porch. They stand there and say they had a good time, maybe hug. Then what? Hitch – the movie Hitch – popped in my head. Stupid. Luckily for me, I didn’t have any keys to worry about looking like I was jingling. At my house, we have three or fours steps up to a little, cozy porch.

At the bottom of the steps, I turned back and held out an arm for a hug. He kinda, sorta side-hugged me and said, “Or this can be the front door.”  I was really embarrassed. I didn’t want him walking up onto the porch there! Then what would happen? We would hug and look each other in the eyes and say “thanks, I had fun” and that be it – all without awkwardness? No way. I felt too much expectation, even though it was all in my own mind and not in reality.

I’ve never had a boy walk me to my front door before.

I don’t really remember what all the dialogue was after except a “Well?!” ish thing from me. I just remember that I felt really, ridiculously dumb, walked up the porch steps, turned around, lifted my arms from my side and slapped them back while shrugging my shoulders. Something about “coming back down here” slipped from him, and I – feeling retarded, of course – walked back down the steps, hugged him, thanked him, smiled, walked back up the porch, and entered the house.

Ooohh, boyyy….     Thankfully, he’s one of the kind of guys I can just be like, “yeah, sorry for ruining that and everything” and playfully apologize and acknowledge it, therefore removing the awkward questions and re-living of that moment.  (Although, painful reliving of that will definitely be happening – at least on my end – tonight….)

Thing to smile about #3:  Spontaneous hang-outs, instigated by some one else (meaning they actually like and want to talk to you and be your friend), that turn out fun despite your apprehension.


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