Congress Officially Declared Frozen Pizza as a Vegetable

“On Tuesday, Congress decided that pizza is a vegetable. I have to imagine that this news instilled confusion in many Americans, as many Americans are (a) familiar with pizza, (b) familiar with vegetables and (c) sane.

But, to provide specifics that will in no way dispel your lingering thoughts that we are governed by morons but at least allow you some anthropological insight into how a group of morons who have been given permission to sit in a fancy room in Washington, D.C., and grunt at each other actually think, here is their thinking: Pizza is a vegetable for the purposes of determining what goes into public school lunches by virtue of the fact that pizza traditionally includes a schmear of tomato paste. (Botanically speaking, tomatoes are actually fruit, but we’re going to have to just let that slide.)”

“You may still be wondering how it came to pass that Congress arrived at the conclusion that pizza could count as a serving of vegetables. Wonder no more! Congress was guided along this path by lobbyists. And lobbyists can do all sorts of things, by magic! (Except provide nutritious lunches for children.)”

“Here’s a fun fact! If a child incorrectly identifies “pizza” as a “vegetable” on a standardized test, there’s an entirely different group of lobbyists who will argue that public school teachers have failed America’s children.”


“If there were any lingering doubts as to whom our elected representatives really work for, they were put to rest Tuesday when Congress announced that frozen pizza was a vegetable. The United States Congress voted to rebuke new USDA guidelines for school lunches that would have increased the amount of fresh fruit and vegetables in school cafeterias and instead declared that the tomato paste on frozen pizza qualified it as a vegetable.

For this we can thank large food companies — in this case ConAgra and Schwan — which pressured Congress to comply with their financial interests. It simply doesn’t suit the makers of frozen pizza, chicken nuggets and tater tots for schools to offer real food in the form of fresh fruits and vegetables.”


This is RIDICULOUS. Seriously? You think PIZZA is a vegetable? Now this goes back to how much effect big corporations’ lobbyists have on the government, and furthermore, how much effect the government has on our children, their health, and their future.

How should we handle this? There are three things we as a people can do:

1. If you happen to be in NY, join the movement and attend Occupy Big Food’s rally this Saturday from 1 to 3 in Zuccotti Park.
2. How about we elect people who will put the citizens they ought to be serving (and their future) as a priority?
3.  Lastly, – but most importantly – raise your own children. And don’t be stupid. 

Please and thank you.


2 thoughts on “Congress Officially Declared Frozen Pizza as a Vegetable

  1. “[…] declared that the tomato paste on frozen pizza qualified it as a vegetable.”

    Isn’t that much actually true? There ARE tomatoes on pizza. If they declare the tomato sauce on the pizza, as long as it’s made from actual tomatoes, I don’t really have a problem with that.

    If they declare the slice of pizza, as a whole, as a vegetable, then that’s where it gets weird. If they only require one vegetable at meals because then the small sploosh of tomato paste will count.

    • “[…] declared that the tomato paste on frozen pizza qualified it as a vegetable.” = “Qualified IT (the whole pizza) as a vegetable” Not that the paste qualified AS a vegetable. And there’s not doubting there can be veggies ON pizza. Peppers, onions, mushrooms… So maybe on a veggie pizza, you could also get a total of a serving of vegetables, yes.

      However, just the paste? It’s less than 1/2 cup (which is what is considered a serving) per slice, and it’d have to actually be made of tomatoes/organic – which, I can assure you is not what they are putting into school cafeterias:

      CRUST: (Enriched wheat flour (bleached wheat flour, malted barley flour, niacin, reduced iron, thiamine mononitrate, riboflavin, folic acid), water, soybean oil, dextrose, baking powder (sodium bicarbonate, sodium aluminum sulfate, cornstarch, monocalcium phosphate, calcium sulfate), yeasts (yeast, starch, sorbitan monostearate, ascorbic acid), salt, dough conditioners (wheat flour, salt, soy oil, L-cysteine, ascorbic acid, fungal enzyme), wheat gluten, soy flour).
      SAUCE: (water, tomato paste (31 percent NTSS), pizza seasoning (salt, sugar, spices, dehydrated onion, guar and xanthan gum, garlic powder, potassium sorbate, citric acid, tricalcium phophate and soybean oil (prevent caking)), modified food starch).
      SHREDDED MOZZARELLA CHEESE: (Pasteurized part skim milk, cheese cultures, salt, enzymes).
      SHREDDED MOZZARELLA CHEESE SUBSTITUTE: (Water, oil (soybean oil, partially hydrogenated soybean oil with citric acid), casein, milk protein concentrate, modified food starch, contains 2 percent or less of the following: sodium aluminum phosphate, salt, lactic acid, mozzarella cheese type flavor (cheese (milk, culture, rennet, salt), milk solids, disodium phosphate), disodium phosphate, sorbic acid, nutrient blend (magnesium oxide, zinc oxide, calcium pantothenate, riboflavin and vitamin B-12), vitamin A palmitate).

      It’s not even pizza, much less a vegetable. (And if you think that’s bad take a look at the ingredients for the “Pepperoni, Reduced Fat Pizza”).”


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