I got a new job about six months ago at a very nice restaurant and I actually enjoy it sometimes. I consider a couple of my coworkers friends and I mostly dig my management staff. One thing I’ve appreciated is that the servers have all been pretty drama-free.
It’s never that awesome. Of course, one of my actual friends filled me in on some things people have been saying about me. And this totally bummed me out. As much as anyone can claim they don’t care what other people think, I don’t think there’s anyone who doesn’t feel a little hurt or sad upon hearing that there are rumors going around about them. This especially bothered me because I make a huge effort to be very nice to absolutely everyone even if I don’t feel like it or even like them, and to not talk anything about anybody to anyone. I feel like I should totally have some positive karma built up, at least in this category. It’s just too bad we can’t all be adults.
Anyways, there are some important things to remember in situations like this.
- The people who know me/matter to me aren’t the people who are talking crap about me
- We are not defined by the opinions of others.
- Haters gonna hate. There are people who either don’t have anything better to do with their time than gossip, or who don’t really know how to interact with other people in interesting or meaningful ways so they start rumors, or who don’t know how to feel good about themselves and build themselves up without tearing others down. Feel sorry for these people. They must be really sad and bored. Poor them.
- Other people can’t control you. Just because you know these people are saying something about you doesn’t mean you have to subtly alter your behavior so that they change their minds or start liking you or thinking differently about you. Nope nope nope. First of all, they’re sooooooo not worth the effort it would take to consciously make these efforts and changes. Secondly, You’re wonderful the way you are. Don’t change in any way you wouldn’t like to.
- Tagging along from the last point, there’s no version or alteration of yourself everyone is going to like or respect or want to be friends with. See #3 again. And you don’t need everyone to like you. Do you want to know what happens when people don’t like you?: nothing. Nothing actually happens.
- In the words of Kid Cudi, “I’ll be up, up, and away ’cause they gon’ hate me anyway. So, whatever.”
- So, whatever.
- There’s a really cool saying I love that says “Harboring anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” I love love love that. And the same concept can be applied to situations like this. A little bit. In as much as the fact that your reaction to a situation like this – be it anger, embarrassment, or insecurity – isn’t going to hurt or effect anyone but yourself.
- To refer to another quote, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” So don’t consent to letting others make you feel any way you don’t want to feel.
- The energy you are spending worrying about what people are saying about you the second you leave the room could be spent writing something, creating something, lifting some one else up, thinking, reading, imagining, wondering, or – in my case involving my workplace – making more money.