Wednesday Things

Gold Foil Print - Let Go of the Heavy

credit: BrittanyGarnerDesign on Etsy

1. I know I’ve been MIA for about a week or so. This past week, my fiancee’s grandfather was admitted to the hospital, then hospice, and then went home to glory last Friday morning. My weekend has been full of time spent with family and catching up on homework. Both grandparents that I have lost (my Grandaddy in 2008 and my Grammy in this past October) were taken from tragically and suddenly. I still struggle every day with the loss of my grandmother and I’ve never been in a situation where my loved one had been suffering for a year (or any extended amount of time). Being able to find some solace in the fact that at least the pain is over for them now is a new concept to me. I’m so used to being angry and confused in the face of tragedy. I was so grateful for the immense number of family members who are so close to each other coming together to celebrate Grandpa Ervin’s life.

2. The wedding is in 45 days. THE WEDDING IS IN 45 DAYS. And, I have to admit that the panic starting to set in a little bit. Not only did I just realize that I had to like, get some one to make a cake and other details like that, but I’m also starting to second guess things because I’m neurotic right now between school, tragedy, and wedding plans and decisions. No second guessing about the marriage at all, but little things like the guest book I’ve already ordered. Silly (?) things.

Probably the source for most of my panic is this lurking feeling I have like I’m a 6-year-old worrying that no one’s going to come to my party. I can’t have a bachelorette party, either, because my bridesmaids all live in different states (save for my sister/matron of honor!). My mom made the point that at least Luke has a huge family so even if only family shows up, it’ll still be a big party. That both did and didn’t make me feel better.

I don’t know, I just want every thing to be fleshed out and for me to be able to just sit back and enjoy the party. I keep visualizing being at the resort on the honeymoon and the amazing beaches and it’s really what’s holding it all together in my brain right now. I know that no matter what happens, I’ll get to that beach. =]

3. On to good news… Luke’s done with school! He just took his last final for his curriculum for his bachelor’s degree. This is such a wonderful thing in and of itself but also because it means I only have to worry about getting myself through school. No more of those Sunday night “I hate everything” panic attacks… for him, at least. I’ve still got 37 days. Struggling with it. But I’m so close!!

4. I went to a Bed Bath and Beyond registry event last week, and it was a lot of fun, plus I walked away with an amazing goodie bag with some really high-quality kitchen tools, gorgeous crystal candle holders, two pretty nail polishes, and lots more. It got me wondering… can I just like, go to this every year? At different locations? For the free things? How would they know? Am I a terrible person?

5. I’m out of TV shows (as usual), and I’m thinking of either re-watching Gilmore Girls or actually wacth Friends for the first time?

I’m out of things to say. I’m unfocused and uninspired right now. I’ve been so far from the top of my game (no, seriously. I went to the wrong class room for my class today and I also thought it was Thursday instead of Wednesday?)  I’m looking forward to taking more time to clear my mind and take care of myself this week!  =]

How’s life for you??

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3 thoughts on “Wednesday Things

  1. I know exactly what you mean! All of my bridesmaids are in different states except two, and none of them are in Illinois where I’m at…so while I have a year to worry about it, it’s been on my mind. It can be stressful to make it work with people from all over the country and I think it’s normal to have that “nobody will come to my party” feeling! I feel that way too… half of our guest list is in California or west coast area, the other half is all over the country… it’s hard to know what to think and how to plan around that!

    Sorry to hear about your loss… when it rains it pours. I quit my job, lost my mom and got engaged in the same week last fall.. great love, change and loss all seem to come in the same few days- but I’m sure you’ve handled it with grace, even if tears are shed and you’re worried about every detail in the wedding… totally normal and I wouldn’t expect anything of yourself otherwise! 🙂

    I cannot wait to see pictures of your big day!

    • Thanks, Shannyn. Your encouragement means a lot. I’m also very sorry for your loss as well. You’re doing such a great job with your wedding vision and planning. =] You don’t even have to worry about seeing pictures – I’m obviously going to post them everywhere! Lol. =D

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