January + February Goals

Look, I know I’m already week into February, but it has been pretty chaotic for me so far and that is why I’m late to post my goals for the month.

Reflecting back on January, not a whole lot particularly sticks out in my mind. Some bridal expos, lots of vendor interviews, bouncing between being really bored with school and being really overwhelmed with it. Our music for Chorale this semester is really hard but really wonderful.

Aside from my resolutions, I don’t think I ever really listed any specific goals for the month. A lot of my blogger friends do new goals each month, and look back at how they did the month before. Personally, I really like this system! It’s much better than only setting goals annually. It seems more manageable, applicable, and effective. Also, you can spend one month developing one habit, and then move on to another habit the next month. That being said, here are my goals for February!

  1. Ask for help more often. 
    This is going to be really important. My wedding is going to include a lot of personalization and DIY projects and such. I’ve got a lot on my plate, and even if I didn’t I would need a ton of help pulling a whole wedding together. Fortunately, I have a wonderful community of people supporting my family and we’re all going to orchestrate an amazing day. Even aside from the wedding things, I need to be okay asking for help more often when it comes to school projects, asking for time to sit and focus on schoolwork rather than having to entertain, asking for grace for when I slip up. This month, I really need to try and better understand that I can do anything, but I can’t do everything.
  2. Practice flexibility
    Again, this is very much intended for all sorts of wedding ideas and concepts. However, it’s also important to practice this in my life in general. I’ve never been particularly spectacular at being flexible and taking time to think before reacting to news or a change. Also, money is tight, and practicing flexibility to adjust to more of penny-pinching will be really helpful.
  3. Make a habit of working out regularly and making healthier choices
    I feel like this is almost an obligatory inclusion in every list of goals. Also? I weighed myself for the first time in a long time and I definitely do not weigh what I thought I weighed – which is awesome on one hand because it’s exactly the motivation I needed to actually get back to my healthier and more active habits.
  4. Do a better job keeping up with school
    This one really doesn’t need any further explanation. I have a lot of assignments to get done every week, and I just have to do them.
  5. Really rest more
    I lay around and relax all the time, but I don’t spend enough time actually resting. I mean meditating, getting to sleep earlier, reading books, remembering to breathe – the beneficial relaxation. The kind of relaxation that isn’t continually watching just one more episode of Netflix in bed before actually going to sleep, or hitting the snooze until it’s the absolute latest I can get up and get ready for the day.
  6. Keep trying to be more gentle with myself
    Stop getting angry at myself easily, take breaks when I need to, remember to say no to things I can’t handle taking on right now, not holding myself to unrealistic goals consistently (like never letting my room get messy at all?), not beating myself up about silly little things, and trying to let myself better shrug off negativity.
  7. Learn to be my own hero
    This has been my mantra since one of my absolute favorite ladies said it on Twitter. Instead of always daydreaming about that girl I wish I were or dream of becoming one day, I’m working on realizing that I’m already completely who I who I want to be, and I just need to let that show more often. I already ran 3 miles in a blizzard this week – there’s nothing else I can’t do. I can make myself workout as much as I’d like. I can buckle down and get my schoolwork done. I can be kind to every person I meet. I can dress as nice as I’d like every day. I can plan a wedding. I can make friends. I can encourage others. I can already do everything I wish I could do.

Even though some of these goals are are kind of vague and aren’t “measurable” (for instance, losing X number of pounds, achieving a certain GPA, accomplishing a specific task), they’re all really important, and maintainable (or at least practicable). Every day is just a process to be better.

She believed.

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Haters Gonna Hate

I got a new job about six months ago at a very nice restaurant and I actually enjoy it sometimes. I consider a couple of my coworkers friends and I mostly dig my management staff. One thing I’ve appreciated is that the servers have all been pretty drama-free.

Silly me.

It’s never that awesome. Of course, one of my actual friends filled me in on some things people have been saying about me. And this totally bummed me out. As much as anyone can claim they don’t care what other people think, I don’t think there’s anyone who doesn’t feel a little hurt or sad upon hearing that there are rumors going around about them. This especially bothered me because I make a huge effort to be very nice to absolutely everyone even if I don’t feel like it or even like them, and to not talk anything about anybody to anyone. I feel like I should totally have some positive karma built up, at least in this category. It’s just too bad we can’t all be adults.

Anyways, there are some important things to remember in situations like this.

  • The people who know me/matter to me aren’t the people who are talking crap about me
  • We are not defined by the opinions of others.
  • Haters gonna hate. There are people who either don’t have anything better to do with their time than gossip, or who don’t really know how to interact with other people in interesting or meaningful ways so they start rumors, or who don’t know how to feel good about themselves and build themselves up without tearing others down. Feel sorry for these people. They must be really sad and bored. Poor them.
  • Other people can’t control you. Just because you know these people are saying something about you doesn’t mean you have to subtly alter your behavior so that they change their minds or start liking you or thinking differently about you. Nope nope nope. First of all, they’re sooooooo not worth the effort it would take to consciously make these efforts and changes. Secondly, You’re wonderful the way you are. Don’t change in any way you wouldn’t like to.
  • Tagging along from the last point, there’s no version or alteration of yourself everyone is going to like or respect or want to be friends with. See #3 again. And you don’t need everyone to like you. Do you want to know what happens when people don’t like you?: nothing. Nothing actually happens.
  • In the words of Kid Cudi, “I’ll be up, up, and away ’cause they gon’ hate me anyway. So, whatever.”
  • So, whatever.
  • There’s a  really cool saying I love that says “Harboring anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” I love love love that. And the same concept can be applied to situations like this. A little bit. In as much as the fact that your reaction to a situation like this – be it anger, embarrassment, or insecurity – isn’t going to hurt or effect anyone but yourself.
  • To refer to another quote, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” So don’t consent to letting others make you feel any way you don’t want to feel.
  • The energy you are spending worrying about what people are saying about you the second you leave the room could be spent writing something, creating something, lifting some one else up, thinking, reading, imagining, wondering, or – in my case involving my workplace – making more money.

The Thought Catalog has a piece that is just awesome and also a great supplementary read on this topic. Click here to check it out.