Wednesday Things/Currently…

Image(From our honeymoon in the Dominican Republic – it was paradise!)

Hello again! In my last blog update before I got married, I mentioned that I was going to start doing “Currently” posts instead of my usual “Wednesday Things.” Just thought I’d add that little reminder since I’m back to posting regularly on the blog!

Currently…

Loving… My wedding highlight reel. Yes, still. I’ve watched it just about every day since my videographer gave me the link!

Reading… nothing at the moment. I just finished Night Circus by Eric Morgenstern for Bonnie’s Book Club (one of my favorite bloggers – go fall in love with her, too!). It. Was. BRILLIANT. I got it as an audiobook, which was read by Jim Dale (who read the audio books for the Harry Potter series and is absolutely amazing). For months now, I’ve been raving about audio books, but now that I’m not driving to school everyday or an hour just to see my man anymore, I’m definitely not driving nearly as much as I had been. I guess it’s time for me to sit and read one of my hard copy books!

Watching… Parks and Rec. How did I ever fall behind on this show? We’ve also been catching up on Arrow but sometimes we just need better acting/happier content/shorter episodes. What are you watching?

Anticipating… getting another job. I’m still writing for My Subscription Addiction (and loving it – seriously, what a dream job!) but I’d love to get an hourly job that 1) isn’t waitressing, 2) lets me work during the same hours as Luke so we still have our evenings together, 3) is something I don’t hate, which requires that it’s also 4) not waitressing (oh, did I mention that already?). Also, I’d like to avoid the retail industry. I’ve been sick for the last two weeks, which has given me an out from pressuring myself to go apply anywhere, but now that I’m feeling better I’m definitely antsy to get out there and talk to people.

Eating… chocolate. Seriously, I got to review Treatsie‘s new Chocolate Bar Subscription box and the gourmet chocolates have been amaaaazinnnng. Also, because I’ve been sick – like I said – I made a super yummy “Chicken Noodle Soup Casserole” thing. And I got to use my new bakeware!

Planning… A date night. Between post-wedding catching up and Memorial Day plans, the only times Luke and I have spent away from the house together has been for family get-togethers, but I really need a date night. Did you know that Frankenmuth has an adventure park with rope courses and zip lines and everything? I’ve been dying to go there since I found out about it last fall. It was too cold then, but now that it’s summer I definitely want to get all over that.

Needing… to get back to exercising. I’m in a new town, so I need to explore good running routes. Like I said though, I’ve been sick and haven’t wanted to push myself to go running when my lungs were making me have cough attacks every 10 minutes. Now that I’m better there’s no excuse!

What are you up to? What did you do for Memorial Day weekend? =]

 

Wednesday Things

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  1. Obviously, I couldn’t start this week’s Wednesday Things with anything other than the announcement that I’m ENGAGED!! A whole post dedicated to the details will be posted sometime this weekend. 
  2. The semester is just about officially over. I’m so excited — especially now that I have a definite real thing to dedicate my time to!
  3. I really just have to clean my room. It’s… such a mess. How does this happen? Dude, I just cleaned it last week. I like to think that I’m not the only person who has this problem, but I might be. All of the boxes and shipments from my online shopping for Black Friday and Christmas do not help.
  4. Speaking of which! I know I missed posting Wednesday Things last week, but last Wednesday was my Thanksgiving, so I was busy with the cooking and the being a family thing. Wednesday was my Thanksgiving because Thanksgiving I had to work!
  5. This weekend is my best friend’s senior piano recital in Pennsylvania. I’m totally stoked. I’m leaving tomorrow to see her (and celebrate each other!) and she is the best ever and I know it will be amazing.
  6. My favorite podcast gave out a code for a free book on tape from Audible, and I’m telling you that I do not know why I never got into Audible sooner! It’s perfect for how much I drive. No, really, I drive a LOT. I was shocked when I found out that the national average for miles put on a vehicle in a year was 10,000. Uhhhmm, I’ve put on more than twice that in 6 months. I drive quadruple the amount as the national average. This being said, I’ve been flying through books. In the last two weeks, I’ve gone through three. I’m very sad that I can’t like, highlight quote or phrases, but I know if I let just that be an excuse for not letting myself listen to books, I’ll never have the time to sit still and read them. Like I said – I’m a busy girl. School, work, wedding planning, social life… Driving is the only time I sit still if I have to, and I am thrilled to be loving audio books!
  7. I totally just found out that the next John Green book I want to read is only about 8 hours long. My trip to Pennsylvania this weekend is 5 hours long just to get there. I will be done with this book and started on a new one by the time I get back. Ah-mazing.
  8. I’m still loving my subscription boxes! I accidentally missed my selection window for Beauty Army somehow (upsetting) and so I’m stuck with the surprise of whatever they picked for me. I also get Birchbox, and will be getting my first trials of Wantable and POPsugar. I’m so excited. I’m getting myself all the presents this December!

College, in Chapters

Chapter One: Freshman Year (2010-2011)

This year is the year of confusion, depression, and misunderstanding, all wrapped up with a ribbon of neurosis. This is the year I move away from home. This is the year I get really lonely and distressed all the time. This is the year of zero perspective and lots of timidity. This is the year everything I really knew about myself changed.

Freshman year is the year I realized that life rarely ever goes as planned. Basically, it never goes as we have it planned. My freshman year still teaches me things about myself when I sit and reflect on it. A big thing I learned is that I want to be grounded and settled in a home (rather than living the inconsistent and competitive life of a vocal performer, which is what my major started out as). I was still struggling intensely with perfectionism (and the guilt that goes along with striving constantly for perfectionism).

I crashed a little bit. I moved home and changed my major to Linguistics. I moved on.

Chapter Two: Sophomore Year (2011-2012)

This is the year I walk off stage from my own life. I wrapped myself up in grades and working, and aimed to stay out of the spotlight and remain generally inconspicuous. My previous self – the one driven by performance and social interaction and theatre and appearances – took a nap. This self would get irritated and angry when I (or anyone else) tried to wake it up. The part of me that was left was quiet, robotic, and a little apathetic. I wasn’t singing. I wasn’t acting. I couldn’t even bring myself to sing for fun (and maybe even had a mini-meltdown at little things like when friends insisted I sing for Rockband at a party). I just couldn’t bring myself to be who I had used to be, or who I wanted to be again. I didn’t have the energy and I didn’t have the grit. I still didn’t quite understand what had happened in chapter one, but I was drifting along.

I changed my major again, this time to Health and Wellness, and I kept going.

Chapter Three: Junior Year (2012-2013)

This is the year I healed a little bit. This is the year I confronted my napping performer, and forced her to get back to my voice teacher, and I even signed up for an acting class. These two things forced the apathetic and sufficiently functional part of me and the pure energy/vitality part of me to talk things out and cooperate. That acting class was therapy. It was a small, intimate group, and it was good to have a class that involved more than sitting in the back of a lecture hall and then slipping out quickly to drive home. I had people to talk to and open up to, I had monologues for which I soul-searched and reflected to find inspiration. My voice teacher helped me come to terms with the concept of meeting myself at my own level, regardless of where any past me had been; I learned to come back to basics and fundamentals, and rebuild on that.

There is a moment I could pinpoint as a break-through of sorts during my acting class, but ultimately it was affirmation that things were getting back on track inside of me. The following summer, my social life improved (and by that I mean it actually existed again), and I saw a huge upswing in the health of all of my relationships in general.

Chapter Four: Senior Year (2013-2014)

This year is (obviously) still happening. But I’m back. I took a huge opportunity to audition for my university’s top choir, and I made it. Just this was a significant victory for me with all of what I had been through with confidence, and losing my voice and ability to perform. I knew I’d enjoy just singing with people again, but didn’t anticipate the flat-out music therapy it would actually be for me. Without the music, the socializing, and the emotional support that comes with being a part of this kind of family again, I’m convinced my college years would be ones that leave me with very few people I care to even check in with past graduation; I would never reminisce on the days of quietly sitting in lecture halls and only having friends during the course of each class for the sake of getting notes when I miss a day or two; and I would never have healed as much as I have so far (And we’re still less than halfway through this chapter).

I’ve come to a point where I am really very happy with my life for the first time in… Well, if we’re being honest, ever. This year has also thrown a lot at me, and I know myself, and I know I would plummet emotionally without having reached this level of awareness, stability, and contentment.

I’ve learned some pretty significant things so far this year, as well…

  1. For so many years, I’ve been striving for “balance.” For goodness sake, that’s what my whole degree is about. But I know now that I don’t believe that people ever really have every dimension of wellness in a happy equilibrium at one time, all the time (those dimensions being physical, emotional, social, occupational, mental, spiritual, and environmental wellness). Wellness is a continuum that requires being present and self-aware, and being able to know what part of your personal grass you need to water to make it as green as you want it.It’s a process; it never ends. But this means I don’t have to try and be the perfect, calm, well-balanced girl who wakes up early every morning, is satisfactorily productive each day, is always up for going out with friends (or even always has friends to go out with), never says the wrong thing, spends time meditating, working out, and doing yoga, and also has a dream job through which I feel transcendentally fulfilled and enlightened.  And without this pressure, I can enjoy and appreciate the current state of my life, knowing that it will never quite be exactly like it is right now ever again.
  2. Between actually having friends that don’t live 400 or more miles away from me this year and a recent sudden and tragic death in my family, I’m realizing just how important people are to me. Three years ago, I would have definitely said that I’m an introvert. I laugh at this idea now, and thrive knowing that I’m actually loving living outside of my comfort zone and jumping into social situations that would have terrified me at any other point in my life.I’ve always been okay with the distance (physically and emotionally) between me and my extended family, as they all live a couple states away from me; but now I see them really as an extension of my family. I know that sounds like a stupid and redundant way to put it, but there are so many definitions of family: one of them is the kind that lives where ever and maybe you get Christmas cards updating you on their lives and you just get used to not really having them around or involved, and the one I’m intending now is the family that means that there are people rooting for you and that you get to cheer for and embrace, no matter where they live. Hey, my little cousins are the closest things I’ll ever get to little siblings and I can be a person that encourages and helps them feel better about themselves and be better people! And there’s no one else in my life I could really get that opportunity with.
  3. Friends are important. Accepting that you can be perfectly happily friends with some one else without being their bestfriendeverinthewholewideworld is more important. Everyone in your life is different. Each relationship you have is completely unique and has something so individual to offer. You don’t have to text people everyday, or be the most important person in the world to some one in order to enjoy doing things with them. People are like books to me: they have their motifs and themes, their memorable moments and quotes and experiences, unique feelings and perspectives that only each one can give you. And, you don’t know how little or how much you want to get involved with a book just by, well, merely looking at its cover (cliche alert: my apologies).
  4. Ultimately,

“In the right light, at the right time, everything is extraordinary.” – Aaron Rose

…and it’s up to you to keep yourself open to finding this light, and recognizing this time. Enjoy Appreciate what you have and what you’re going through right now, in this moment.

Oh, and I changed my major again. This time, I made my own (thank you, Integrative Studies). I settled on a curriculum for my degree entitled “Wellness and Personal Development.” I even get to keep my previous degree plan in the form of a minor, so I didn’t waste any time at all.

Things work out okay.

Where’s the Smiling?

I’ve completely forgotten about my things to smile about!  I went all the way back to my last one and found out that I last listed #16 way back in “Maximum Capacity For Awesome.”

So. To make up for the ones I’ve lost, here I go….

Reason to smile #17:  Knowing the coolest people in the world.

#18: Having a rockin’ room I love.

#19: Flirting

#20: Chapstick.

#21: Doing something you love.

#22: Witty conversations.

#23: Books.  They just make me happy.

#24: Knowing some one who pretty much always wants to see you smile.

#25: Creating something.

#26: Snow days!

#27: Having no home work.

#28: Dear and the Headlights

#29: Owl City

#30: When some one asks “How are you?” and really wants to know the truth. 

#31: Spending time with Deanna.

#32: College acceptance letters!

#33: Having awesome legos- such as a pirate skeleton, a borg, a cowboy + rifles, two armed Indians, a pirate with a feather in his hat and a parrot, a greaser with a red bandana, a leather jacket, and a knife, and a nice man with a gas mask – standing in a line on your desk shelf.

#34: Not having any clue to what wear, but ending up finding a really cute outfit in your closet.

 

So SMILE.  =]

Consider My Fingers Crossed.

Crossed for the next two days to pass quickly (Christmas break!).
Crossed for not failing my two tests on Friday (AP History and Honors Chem).
Crossed for  my brain to start functioning again (it’s stopped in anticipation of Christmas break).
Crossed for landing a good role in the Spring musical (the Sound of Music!).
Crossed for a good Winter (not like last year).
Crossed for my Christmas wishes (I’ve got quiet a few).
Crossed for a really great social life during break (Hayley Joy, Deanna, Neal, Danike, movies, cooking, Brent, shopping…).
Crossed for snow days (we haven’t had any yet this year!).
Crossed for my Christmas list (mostly consisting of a ceramic curling iron, gift cards, and books).
Crossed for a good Solo and Ensemble performance (even though it’s in January).
Crossed for raising my grades (Two A’s, but I need to get my two B’s up…).
Crossed for a chance to organize my school notebooks and binders ASAP (all my school stuff is in one three-subject notebook).
Crossed for my varsity jacket (it’s ready, but my mom wont’ give it to me until Christmas – because it’s not like I need a winter coat before then, before halfway through the winter, not like it’s seven degrees farenheit or anything).
Crossed that my mom will be happier this Winter (this time of year has been hard for everyone since her dad died).
Crossed that the people that I can’t get enough of couldn’t get enough of me (it has been improving…).
Crossed for crazy amounts of photo shoots over break (I swear, I’m so itchy for some.)

Crossed for being able to uncross them.

A Nightmare.

      The girl stepped out of the shack, clad in a long, white nightdress. She stepped onto the cobbleston path leading only to another house. It was dead silent. A large, stone fountain that no longer worked cast a dreadful shadow in the dimly lit path. No stars were out. The only light came from a single, yellowish lamp to the left of the door of the single house ahead of her. The girl didn’t seem to be scared at all, only careful. She was pale – practically colorless – and with light hair that floated down to the middle of her back and pale eyes. When she was near the house, a young man stepped out of the door and put one foot on the porch step. He reached out his hand to help the girl up the stairs and to welcome her.

       From another angle, another woman watched the girl through binoculars. She saw the girl cautiously move down the stone walk. When the young man emerged from the house to greet her, she felt her neck grow hot. She knew this man. Unfortunately for her, all romantic possibilities with him had been torn from her future. She continued to observe the man; he was certainly pleasant to look at – tall, composed, clean shaven, brown hair, dark eyes, also pale. His clothes were simple and near colorless, too. If only the old fountain wasn’t blocking some of her view.

       Everything’s strange, she thought, crouching in the dark above the dreary scene: a path leading from a doorstep of one house directly to another house’s doorstep; there were no side paths branching off of it. What was the point of that? 

       The pale girl smiled gently and took the man’s hand as she floated up the steps, following his lead. He had let go and turned around, no longer welcoming. He went through the door first and reached for something beside the door frame on the inside. The house was peculiar. The first room that you walked into was lined in books on shelves from floor to ceiling. The books were old and dusty. Some were on the floor, bent and lying open. Directly ahead of her, perfectly aligned with the front entrance, was another doorway. This one had no door. She could see through it to another room, also lined entirely with books. Only this one was lit – by candles, maybe. The same yellowish light poured from the room. The doorway was as far to her left on the opposite wall as possible. She could see room after room, all identical, with books and either dark or dimly lit, the doorway in the exact same place on the wall, no doors…

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