Wednesday Things

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(this was the sunrise on my way to Pennsylvania last weekend)

  1. I’m so sorry that you’ve already heard this a million times by now (and 500,000 of those times were probably already from me), but I think the tricks that the sun plays on us this time of year are lame. I remember it being harder than before last year, too. Maybe it’s an age thing? Does this get harder as I get older? I hope not. It already sucks.
  2. I miss fruit. I miss the mangoes and the pomegranates and the berries and leafy greens and all things plant and delicious. I can still get my smoothies in with frozen fruit, but I feel like I’ve been eating soup and cereal for like, the past month already. Also: I should really take time to sit and cook real food again. I’ve fallen out of that habit. But what is there to make in the winter time? All I can think is chili and pasta.
  3. Freaking love this: 24 quotes to inspire you to write more.
  4. The new Pentatonix album is out and I’ve maybe been blasting it at intersections and all the time, really. If you haven’t listened to it yet, I really think you should. It seems like every person I know in Chorale has been freaking out about it, too. This is justified.
  5. This is the third day in a row I’ve blogged (in like, years). I don’t really know what made me feel like I just have to dive back into it this week, but I’m glad I did. I forgot that I get lots of good things out of it. What I am currently getting out of it is even more procrastination from the lab report that’s due tonight (Hey. All I have left is the abstract [A.K.A. the worst, most repetitive, and boring part about writing these things. I’ll get to it after this mental break).
  6. I got a whole two days with my bestie in PA recently, and I already miss her so much. Today is her senior recital jury, and I couldn’t be more confident that she is going to knock their socks of. She’s basically the best pianist and friend I could ask to know.
  7. I lost the charger and syncing tool for my FitBit, so I haven’t used it in like, three weeks. I’m also bitter because two weeks after I had JUST bought my Flex they came out with the Force, which has a display – which was the only feature I wished my Flex had. Fortunately, their customer service is great and they’re letting me return my Flex for a full refund even without the missing pieces. I get to turn around and by the Force, and I am so excited to be moving more again and get back on track.
  8. Speaking of, I’m really feeling just how little physical activity I’ve been participating in for the past week or two. Between catching up on all the homework I’ve fallen behind on (which is a lot, thanks to procrastination and dealing with my grandmother’s passing and all the family stuff and traveling), catching up on sleep, cutting work hours, and allowing myself some “me time” for the sake of restoration, I’ve been so sedentary. Blah.
  9. While we were in London, my grandmother and I each kept a notebook that we journaled in on our trip. When my mom was going through her things after the funeral, she found her notebook and gave it to me. I just today gathered the strength to pop it open and peek at the things she wrote. I guess I was expecting a lot of significant and emotional revelations to come from her writings, and I’m only two entries in, but so far most of it has been recapping our flights, layovers, and how tired we both got by the end of each day. I’m surprisingly thankful for the simple memories so far. There’s still a couple days and conversations I’m anxious about reading her perspective on, but I’ve read enough for today, and it’s been mundane and sweet.
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Everything is easier in theory.

In English, we just finished reading Beloved by Toni Morrison (phenominal book). In it, there is a stream-of-consciousness section.  Every week, we have to do two journal entries: One assigned, one that we choose. Today, we wrote our own streams-of-consciousness for our assigned journal entry. 

After I got through the initial I’m-writing-with-a-blue-green-pen-because-my-purple-one-won’t-work-right thoughts, I ended up on one core idea. Because it’s in stream-of-consciousness, the grammar and punctuation are not correct.  That’s how it’s supposed to be. Here’s that part of my writing – right off the paper:

 

 

I love people. The hardest thing about people is when you have to hurt them. How do you comprimise your not wanting to hurt them with your I need to hurt them? How do you take not hurting them and the amuont you need to and take the average? When you have to tell some one something but it hurts or when you have to do something but it hurts. How has the human race lived through life? I mean, how have people not just decided to stop living? and i don’t mean suicide, I’d never, ever do that. I mean going numb or deciding other people are too much to deal with? Do things end up worth everything it takes, eventually? Everything is so much easier in theory. You say oh, I’d do this in situation X, but wwhen situation x actually happens, it starts looking and feeling like the quadratic equation. Is there a math problem that you can use to figure out what to do? Plug in the result you want for Y, plug in who your action and decision will effect for X and Z, plug in the outcome you absolutely DO NOT want as Q, plug your heart into the equation and solve it. Or would that mathmatic equation take the worth and purpose out of life? Take the trial and error and learning out of life? If we had a math problem to make our choices for us, would we stop thinking? stop feeling? stop valuing other people and start viewing them as mere variables?