Things I do not understand and am definitely not going to talk about.

  • the word “Pampers” always makes Deanna giggle.
  • How I turned out to be a morning person.
  • Madonna’s bra.
  • The word “snooze.”
  • These shoes.
  • Combovers.


(inspired by this)

The trouble with inventing friends.

     My [real, live] friend and I made up a mutual friend. Although I forget the actual name we decided upon, we agreed to call him “Shoe.”  We also have two actual mutual friends that we both saw each week at the time. We created Shoe to have messages “from”, to pass to each other via our actual friends. No real point to it except amusement, I suppose. Anyway, it stuck and we’ll give each other updates on how Shoe is doing. Thanks to Facebook, our most recent conversation about him went like this:


Me: “Shoe says hey.

He misses you.
In a strange way.”

Her: “Uh oh. Last time he missed me in a strange way, I ended up being duct taped to a wall outside of Nashville…

You’d best tell him I say hello.”

Me: “I remember that.

Mm… This was a different strange way.
Nevertheless, I shall tell him so.”

Her: “Oh gosh, please don’t tell me that you helped. That was brutal. I didn’t sleep for a week afterwards I was so keyed up.

How so? What should I expect?
Thanks. Oh, and will you tell him that he should call me?”

Me: “I didn’t help. Not me. I’m nice. I was stalking him, trying to call ahead to the hardware stores, telling him not to sell him any kind of adhesive.

This time, I would expect hog-tying, postage stamps, craft glitter, some rubber bands, and – better safe than sorry – some ramen noodle.”

Her: “Oh my goodness, no. Please.. Haley, you have to save me. That stuff is.. the epitome of fright!! How am I supposed to survive this?!? What has gotten into him anyway?”


        So here’s to make-believe friends and missing people in strange ways.