Why We Work

For Valentine’s Day, Bonnie wrote a post  about why she and her husband work (for a link-up I missed. sad face.). I’ve been thinking about it since I read her post, and the idea of writing the same regarding my relationship has been brewing in my mind.

Last night I had a wonderful evening with my fiancee full of a great dinner, pre-marital counseling, and ugly-laughing at hilarious Youtube videos. Driving home, I felt especially grateful for my relationship and decided to finally write this post when I got home.

Why we work

We work because we’re individuals. We have out own friends, jobs, schedules, and tastes. We each have our own worlds, and we like it that way.

We work because our relationship is “should-free.” We know each other’s insecurities, strengths, weaknesses, an bad habits – and we love each other all the more for them. I don’t have to make dinner every single night, and he doesn’t mind getting Chinese takeout.

We work because we know it’s not always fun to be in a relationship, and we don’t take that personally. Sometimes one of us is having a really crummy day and in a funk and there’s just nothing the other can do to make it immediately better. And that’s okay.

We work because we don’t take other things personally. We don’t text each other compulsively all day everyday – and we know that’s not reflective of the quality of our relationship. I don’t think I’ve ever been in his Facebook profile picture (or that he’s ever had his relationship status on his profile) and that doesn’t mean anything’s wrong. Sometimes one of us just doesn’t feel like cuddling. And we know that’s not the end of our relationship.

We work because we ugly laugh. The kind of laughing where your mouth is just totally, unflatteringly wide open, your head is thrown back, you’re kinda crying, and you can’t even speak. This happens at least once on the daily. We thrive off of being goofy together, and that does miracles for our relationship.

We work because he’s bad at reading minds, and I’m bad at being subtle. Seriously, I just say whatever I need, want, or think. Which many people think is a fault (and it can be), but it’s a godsend for our relationship because what Luke really needs is for me to be upfront and never try that “hint-dropping” thing and hope he reads my mind. That system doesn’t work for either of us. He doesn’t end up getting it, and I’m too impatient to try and wait for him to.

We work because we’re not trying to impress each other.  It can be one of those days where I haven’t showered, am not wearing makeup, and am wearing sweats and he adores me and makes me feel just as special as any other day. I can make an accidentally crappy dinner and it’s no big deal.

We work because we both know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that we’re on each other’s team, unconditionally. “You and me against the world.”

And, most importantly, we work because we both agree that if one of our children ever weirdly ends up with some kind of super power we would come alongside them and help them learn about and control it instead of hiding them away (see: obligatory pop culture reference to Frozen).

What Healthy Living Means to Me

Disclaimer: this is a sponsored post. However, all thoughts, claims, and opinions do belong to the original author and no evil marketing ploys or tricks are being ulitized!

What healthy living meant to me in High School

• Basically, “running and broccoli”
• Being a gym rat or on the track and field team
• A diet consisting of things like kale, chia, quinoa, dragonfruit, etc…

What healthy living meant to me my freshman year of college:

• Watching portion sizes
• Weighing yourself regularly
• Lifting weights and running
• Inspiration boards!
• Never feeling stressed
• Routine

What healthy living means to me now.

• Wellness
• Treating your body right – by moving it more, nourishing it better, and listening to it.
• Doing research before considering jumping on a new diet or health fad
• Mutli-Dimensional (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, environmental, social)
• Saying “no” sometimes
• Self-love (or at least practicing it!)
• Knowing it’s okay to be stressed out, and learning effective stress management methods
• Improving cardiovascular health, muscular fitness, and flexibility in your training
• Learning that health and wellness is a spectrum, and you’ll be balancing your way along his spectrum througought life. You will probably (almost definitely) never reach a state of perfect or “ideal” healthy living.
• Along those lines, learning to let go of a pursuit of perfectionism
• Taking time to meditate, or at least allow your body and mind quiet-time on a regular basis
• Learning when relationships are unhealthy, and finding strength and support to get out of them
• Knowing what you like. You don’t know whether or not you hate a food you’ve never heard of. Do you pay attention to what topics and fields of study really pique your interest?
• Knowing your learning style/how you learn things best.
• Caring for your brain – turn off the constant notifications, feed it information, let it play, write whatever you want, read books and articles, do puzzles!
• Follow impulsive urges. If you see an easy DIY project, try it! 
• Allowing yourself to indulge sometimes, in moderation (sweets, watching TV, retail therapy)
• Being friends with your family and putting effort into your relationships.

This post was sponsored by Alomune (http://Alomune.com), a daily pre-biotic supplement that helps you stay strong all year long.  For more healthy living ideas & inspiration, please visit the Alomune Healthy Living blog (http://blog.alomune.com), their Facebook page (http://Facebook.com/alomune), Pinterest (http://pinterest.com/alomune) or join the conversation on Twitter (http://Twitter.com/alomune).

 

Remember, Remember

As most of the people in my life know, my lovely grandmother, Faye, passed away a couple weeks ago. However, I am indescribably fortunate to have had the chance to go to London with her in 2012. One thing I just really remember well is, while walking down the street from Bayswater tube station to our hotel, I brought up one of my favorite lists of things to remember:

1. Whoever comes are the right people
2. Whatever happens is the only thing that could have
3. Whenever it starts is the right time
4. When it’s over, it’s over

I don’t remember the context of the conversation, and I don’t really remember her reaction to it, no matter how much I wish I could. One reason I like these points so much is because it helps me remember that there are things I just can’t control – especially timing and the way some things turn out. 

These points are particularly poignant for me in the wake of her passing. in times like these, I think we all tend to reflect upon things we feel we could have done differently or done sooner or things we should have said. For me, the most significant thing was getting over a huge obstacle in my relationship with Grammy. For years, I went through this angsty, resentful, and jaded phase with her in the wake of her first husband’s death (more me/my issues than her). Thanks to time and also our trip together, we had lots of opportunities to talk through a lot of this (and more).

“Whenever it starts is the right time.” I have to accept that this healing process for our relationship started when it was the right time for it to start. I know I gained so much life experience and perspective and maturity in the time between Granddaddy’s death in 2004 and our trip in 2012. I have to think that that time and that growing process were things I had to go through in order to get to a level where I could meet her in conversation about it. 

“Whatever happens is the only thing that could have.” Obviously, this is a significant concept while dealing with the death of a loved one. What if she hadn’t been where she was or doing what she was doing or dealing with what she was dealing with? Couldn’t we have made it better or hold on to her longer if one thing or another was different? Blah blah blah, and the list goes on as long as we let it. It means we can fret all we want about changing the past, but the important thing is to learn to accept it and reflect on ways you can help yourself heal and continue on. (Not “move on.” I don’t think you ever really move on from a pain or loss of some one dear to you. Continue on. Keep going.) There’s nothing that could have gone any differently, and that’s really okay.

“Whoever comes are the right people.” At the viewings for my grandmother, the lines of the visitors were out the door. Each one had their own story about ways my grandmother had touched their life or helped them in one way or another. Some were even people who had met her when she just started talking to them while waiting in line somewhere. When people come into your life, there’s always something you can get from interacting with them. Sometimes the influence and presence of others is very clear and loud; sometimes their influence is quiet and only comes into your perspective later in life.

Sometimes the people in our lives hurt us. Sometimes we fall into unhealthy patterns with others. As much as it flat-out sucks to be honest about this, there is still always a takeaway. Now, I can tell you “everything happens for a reason” as much as any other person, greeting card, keychain, poster, song, or status in the world tries to, but what I need you to know is that I’m not actually confident that there really is any light, simple, logical reason behind every little thing that happens. Stuff happens that doesn’t make any sense.

The only thing I can say is that there can probably always be something you learn or experience or takeaway from these times. And I need you to know that these revelations come when you don’t know they will. You will overhear one of your classmates talking; your barista will make some small-talk with you; you will read a text message or a Facebook comment; you will listen to a song you’ve heard a thousand times over and you will hear something strange and new; you will re-read a book and have a completely different  experience; some one will simply ask you how you are.  It’ll click. Or, you’ll become aware of something lurking in your head and you will wrestle with it until you can verbalize and define it. You’ll make connections between events, quotes, shared glances, lyrics, and thoughts. Don’t worry about trying to find some elusive meaning or a silver lining in the midst of dark and confusing events. Try, instead, to remember to keep yourself open to and aware of anything you may feel or think or need. Notice everything. Write about it. In a week, six months, three years, a decade, you may make one of these connections; you will gain some understanding and perspective.

It’s more than likely that this conversation I had with my grandmother happened after finding out that her mother figure had passed away back home while we were in London, which makes me all the more curious about her internal reaction to them. I’m sure this list meant even more to her than it did to me at the time.

“When it’s over, it’s over.”

Protected: “You could say that”

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A Difficult – If Not Impossible – Call.

      “If you want to trace what he said to me back to your self, go right ahead. But you’re wrong. You aren’t responsible for anything that she does.  She’s too dependant on you and you’ve realized that and stepped up to try to meet her needs. Your co-dependancy kicked in and now you still want to help her instead of doing what’s best for both of you: stop talking to each other. You won’t have her pulling you down like that. If you guys did stop talking, I know it’d be difficult for both of you, but she’ll get over and so will you. You aren’t responsible for a single thing she does. It’s not your job to take care of her.  It’s all really petty and pathetic that she just moved into college and she’s got this whole new opportunity and fresh start and she needs to get the bleep away from you.”

       “But I know she’s going to kill herself. I know it. I ……. I’ve talked her back from it three times now…….”

       “Look, she’s either serious about killing herself or she just wants attention. I’m believing more of the latter. She seems like the type who is MANIPULATING YOU for attention!”

——————————–

 

       How do you know if some one is serious or not about suicide and not just talking about it for attention?  When do you know to back off and let them get over being so attached to you and when they’re serious and take action?

       Should you talk to some one every single time they bring up committing suicide regardless if it’s only for attention, just in case? And indulge in your co-dependancy and their needy-ness? Even if you have reason to believe that it’s for attention? How do you know if they’re actually serious?

       Or should you let it go, making the call that they are just being manipulative and will move on eventually? What if you end up being proven wrong?

       What do you do in a manipulative relationship when the other person threatens to commit suicide? How do you get out of that?

 

 

What the heck are you supposed to do?